well hello there everybody... and by everybody i mean the 4 or 5 people i know who still use xanga..
so i had a crazy night last night... an awesome night.. but crazy....its kind of a long story so bear with me... if you just dont wanna read it, but you wanna know what the point to the story is then just skip to the last paragraph.. .aight... here we go...
i was supposed to go return a movie last night for a friend ....and about 7:30 p.m. i decided to get up off my lazy behind and go do it... at first i had intended to ride a bus or a tram to the rental place... but as i walked out the front security door to my flat i decided that i would rather walk ... it would only take me about 15 minutes to get there and 15 minutes to get back... so it wasn't a big deal... as i was walking though i started to talk to God... just asking Him questions... and waiting on responses... the more i talked and listened the more it felt like He was right there beside me... like i literaly had a friend who was walking along the sidewalk with me... i found my questions becoming deeper and deeper... and eventualy my new found "friend" led me to a playground to finish our conversation...
you gotta understand that this was a playground that i have probably walked by everyday since i have been here in Poland, but it has never interested me in the slightest bit... but last night it seemed as though there were a secret barried somewhere in the jungle gym, and the only one who could find it was me, and the only one who could show me where the secret was hidden was God....
so i walked into the park and i sat down on a merry-go-round.... i looked up and saw a star... just one... but it was as bright as could be... i was reminded of the promises that God made in the Bible, about making a great nation out of one man, and how his descendents would be numbered like the stars... i began to think about worship... and how i have felt like i havent been able to worship for so long... it seems as though i havent been in a true worship service in years... God and i began to talk again...
God: why are you so unhappy?
me: i cant figure out why worship seems so dead ... no one enjoys the worship.. they just sit there and look at their watches as though they had somewhere to be... something more important to do than to worship the God who gave them the things to do...
as i thought that, the merry-go-round began to spin... not as though it were possessed... but just as though it were slightly off centered and my weight had broken it loose to find its equilibrium again in another spot... it stopped moving with me now facing in the opposite direction from my starting point... i looked and saw nothing but trees starring at me...
God: why aren't the leaves on those trees moving?
me: because theres no wind to make them move....
my first thought was ... "oh i c... you are the wind and no one can move without you"....but have you ever thought about what makes the wind?... seriously... well to make a short completley dumbed down version of what i have heard about it... wind happens when there is a high pressure area and a low pressure area in the atmosphere... the wind is actualy the movement of the two areas to try and create an even pressure between them.... but why? what makes them want an even pressure...why cant they just exist as two seperate areas?...i know that in science if there is a high pressure and a low pressure in anything they will always try to equal out... but why?
God's design and His movement is the deepest and truest answer to that question... its not the cause of the wind that makes the leaves move but it is the movement of air that has been designed and touched by God to move... so it is still God who moves the leaves... but He uses His own creation to do it.... do you remember the day of Pentecost?... God's spirit fell on his disciples and they went out and they worshiped and they preached and they taught ... and thousands of people were converted... its kinda like that... God moves first... on someone... or some people... and their reaction causes others to see Christ... how they react with the filling of the Holy Spirit... and how they use the power that has been given to them will cause others to be moved to come to Christ and worship also....
me: what are you saying God?...
God: im saying that someone has to show them how to move... someone has to teach them how to worship... someone has to be my tool, to show them what true worship is...someone has to be moved by me so that they can move others
as i let that thought sink into my hard head... the wind picked up... and when i say it picked up... i mean it started whipping... so much so that the merry-go-round began to spin again... and it came to rest once more somewhere between where i had just been and where i had originaly been when all of this started...
God: what do you see?
me: i see more trees... i see a dark sky with clouds... i see tennis courts through the trees... and i see the judges seat on the tennis court..
God: what color is the chair?
have you ever thought about God's promises to you? i know that sometimes we think that God has promised us something when in all actuality we made it up... or maybe its that God really has promised us something but its so extravagant that we just cant believe it... and we think that we had to have made it all up in our heads... well thats pretty much what was going through my head during the next part of this story..
me: well its white... and it's tall... and while it is such a trivial thing it looks glorious... why?
God: your throne in heaven will be much greater than that chair..it will not be trivial at all.. but it will be glorious.... it will be white as snow... and it will overlook cities upon cities... it will be a seat of privilege that is reserved only for you... if you teach my people how to worship...
i dont know if i made all that up in my head or not... i dont know if God was really speaking or if it was all in my imagination ... but what i do know is that i have never felt more alive than i did in that moment... and for the first time in my life i understood why someone would put ashes on their head and rip their clothes in mourning... i was so upset by the way that i had led my life up until that moment... if there had been ashes near me i would have bathed in them... but luckly for my flat mate there were no ashes... all i knew at that moment was that i wanted to worship again... i wanted to sing... i wanted to dance... and i have to say that i did... i ran home and turned some worship music on and i danced... it was such a burden that had been lifted... i cant even explain... i just know that now i want to dance... and i want to sing... and i want to show others what it means to worship a living God who keeps His promises!
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